Act the fool, play the calf
And you'll always have the last laugh
Wear the cap and the bells
And you'll rate with all the great swells
If you become a doctor, folks'll face you with dread
And if you become a dentist, they'll be glad when you're dead
You'll get a bigger hand if you can stand on your head
Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown
-Be a clown -Be a clown
-All the world -Loves a clown
-Show 'em tricks -Tell 'em jokes
And you'll only stop with top folks
Be a crack jackanapes
And they'll imitate you like apes
Why be a great composer with your rent in arrears?
Why be a major poet and you'll owe it for years
When crowds will pay to giggle if you wiggle your ears?
Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown
Be a clown, be a clown
All the world loves a clown
If you just make them roar
Watch your mountebank account soar
Wear a painted mustache
And you're sure to make a big splash
A college education I should never propose
A bachelor's degree won't even keep you in clothes
But millions you will win if you can spin on your nose
Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown
-Give 'em quips -Give 'em quips
-Give 'em fun -Give 'em fun
And they'll pay to say you're A-one
If you become a farmer, you've the weather to buck
If you become a gambler, you'll be stuck with your luck
But, Jack, you'll never lack if you can quack like a duck
Be a clown
Jesus, though, it was a relief just to have fun and...
do something trite and not care a damn...
and get paid a hundred times what you'd be paid for something good.
I love you under my skin
They'll never know the difference.
What's it going to be called?
What's the dreariest title ever?
I bet Coley $5...
that he could never write a song called I Love You.
Get your money out. I'm telling you, Louis B. Mayer is going to love this.
He's going to weep.
I need a time of year. A month.
-All right, April. -June.
Perfect cliche, April.
"I love you" hums the April breeze
I love you under my skin
I love you
Is it a sin?
Certainly not.
"I love you"
hums the April breeze
"I love you"
Echo the hills
"I love you"
The golden dawn agrees
As once more she sees
daffodils
It's spring again
And birds on the wing again
Start to sing again
The old melody
"I love you"
That's the song of songs
And it all belongs to you and me
It was just
one of those things
Just one of those crazy flings
It's a real pearl.
Go ahead, dear, take it.
It's tiny, but trust me, it's still the biggest thing...
you can get your fingers around in this crowd.
-You'll make big bucks on this. -That's swell.
It's something, isn't it?
Yes, it's lovely.
It's so imaginative to actually have the party at the studio.
Is absolutely everything in Hollywood connected to movies?
Everything good.
That's why we're trying to coax Cole into permanent residency.
How would half of every year be?
I think Hollywood's fantastic, it's like living on the moon.
Or 20,000 leagues under the sea.
When we started painting the town
Can you believe this?
Linda, Hollywood was your idea, not mine.
Now you're acting like it's the worst place on earth.
I had thought that the change of weather might be good for us both.
I had no idea how hot the climate would really be.
The climate is good for growing flowers.
Everything grows wild, Cole.
And the pickings are far too easy.
Now and then It was great fun
But it was just one of those things
-Mr. Porter, how are you? -Mr. Nelson.
What you did with that song is just splendid.
I'd love to introduce you to my wife.
Cole...
I hope we could coax you into a song.
Be right back.
-Good song. -Thank you.
There's a plan for later.
Linda's being very prickly tonight, but I'll try to get away.
-Plenty of company lined up? -Good company, I promise.
Thank you all. This is indeed an honor and a surprise.
Obviously L.B. wants you all to get home early...
that's why he's asked me to sing.
So here goes.
Before you leave these portals
To meet less fortunate mortals
There's just one final message I would give to you
Now you all have learned reliance
On the sacred teachings of science
So I hope through life you never will decline
In spite of philistine defiance
To do what all good scientists do
Experiment
Make it your motto day and night
Experiment
It will lead you to the light
If this advice you'll only employ
The future can offer you infinite joy
And merriment
Experiment
And you'll see
Good night.
Thank you.
What a marvelous song. I don't know it, do you?
Intimately.
You seem very happy, dear.
I am, darling. I wish you were.
-Excuse me. -The Springs will take care of that.
I was actually thinking of going to Arizona.
It's so much further.
I don't mind.
I expect I'll be gone by the time you come home.
Love for sale
Appetizing young love for sale
Love that's fresh and still unspoiled
Love that's only slightly soiled
Love
for sale
Who
will buy?
Who would like to sample my supply?
Who's prepared to pay the price
for a trip to paradise?
Love
for sale
Let the poets pipe of love
in their childish way
I know every type of love
better far than they
If you want the thrill of love
I've been through the mill of love
Old love, new love
Every love but true love
Love for sale
Appetizing young love for sale
If you want to buy my wares
follow me and climb the stairs
Love
for sale
Aren't there always copies of those sorts of photographs anyway?
Cole wanted a set for himself.
These are not blackmail pictures, Linda, they're--
Mrs. Porter.
They were taken for recreational purposes.
Cole has a heedless appetite for life. I'm sure we agree he needs to be protected.
You became devoted so very quickly, Mr. Reed.
He is so easy to love.
Beyond devotion, what are your ambitions?
I have thought of my own theatrical agency. It would be a company that would...
keep their clients' best interests close to heart, always.
As you and I do Cole's.
Of course. And how many backers do you require?
Only one, Mrs. Porter.
Just let me know how much.
I'll leave these with you.
You don't sweat, do you? Not a drop.
I don't believe in wasting my resources.
Goodbye, Linda.
It's the wrong song in the wrong style
Though your smile is lovely, it's the wrong smile
It's not her smile, but such a lovely smile
But it's all right with me
Welcome home.
Aren't you pleased?
-About the roses? -Yes.
They're glorious. Are they for me?
Who else?
One never knows.
What's wrong, Linda?
Your friend Bobby Reed has been to see me...
with his nefarious portfolio.
Yes, he told me.
-He told you? -Yes.
I paid him, too, you know.
No, I didn't know.
Yes, he's an ambitious fellow.
It's all right.
I don't think it's all right, Cole. I think it's disgusting.
He's exploiting both of us.
Well, yes.
I like to look at it as a kind of luxury tax.
A luxury tax?
What an extraordinary thing to say.
Do you have any idea how much you've changed?
How much your behavior has changed?
You have put everything that you've accomplished with your music at risk.
Darling, my work has never been better.
It's flourishing. Even if we're not.
Your music comes from your talent, not from your behavior.
It's all the same thing. I can't put my talent here and my behavior here...
and my eating, sleeping, and drinking habits.
It's all me.
I have never asked you to change.
Just be discreet.
Linda, I have never been discreet.
What is discretion but dishonesty wrapped up in a little good breeding?
I don't think you want me to be discreet, I think you want me to be different.
I am partially responsible for all of this...
because I have spoiled you, I have indulged you.
But so has the entire goddamned world.
And for what?
Just a little music.
Linda hated being late for anything. And the next day she was late for lunch.
I only had to hear the clock strike...
and look at her empty place at the table to know she was gone.
Gone back to Paris.
It's quite simple, really.
Two people who wanted too much from each other.
Porter residence.
Hold one moment.
-Sir. -Not now.
It's urgent, sir.
Yes?
All the money, all the music had deflected reality for so long...
I didn't know that everything we had was so fragile.
Hold it loose, hold it tight.
Everything breaks.
I'm going to take them to Paris next week.
All of this is just....
Got to get back to a better place.
And it would be good to see Linda.
Morning, Cole.
Are we the only ones up?
Our hostess just retired.
I've been up since 5:00.
Writing another hit, I'm sure.
I wish it was that easy.
Nothing comes easy anymore.
And when it does, it's lousy.
I write better in my own place or the Murphys'.
I'm going to swear off these house parties until I finish this score.
Remind me I said that, will you?
That melody sounds like it could go somewhere.
Yeah, like out for a drink.
Have you heard from Linda?
No.
No. I've written, I've wired, I've called. Nothing.
I'm sorry, Cole, I'm really sorry. Maybe with time....
It'll take more than time.
I'll be back before breakfast.
Just seemed so much to ask children to bear.
How long will you stay?
No idea.
Let's go inside, it's getting cold.
You see how far I'll go to get you back?
I think you've gone too far this time...
but I ought to be used to it by now.
I'm afraid his right leg should be amputated.
Perhaps the left as well. There's really no alternative.
If you amputate his legs, you will cut out his pride.
You'll break his spirit, he would never work again.
He'll have nothing without his music, it's the essence of him.
He'd have nothing to live for.
He would have his life, his friends, you.
Nothing. He would just be living out his death.
You're asking a lot of him.
We are accustomed to asking a lot of one another.
So what did the sawbones say?
You get to keep the old things. And he expects you to walk, and so do l.
But only if I can walk to you.
As far as Williamstown?
Williamstown?
Massachusetts. I found a very pretty home.
It's on a hill, it has a work space.
Thinking of buying it.
A little bump.
-All right. -Now?
A grand piano.
That is grand.
That's not quite right.
So shall I leave you to it?
Guess you'd better.
God, I can't work the pedal.
Can't work the pedals, dear.
God damn it!
I can't work the pedals!
And what did it take...
to finally work the pedals?
A few years.
A pharmacopoeia of pills.
A reservoir of Scotch and 20 more operations.
Nonstop fun.
But over time, you got five shows up and running.
Up? Yes. Running? Barely.
At least, according to the critics.
"Not up to Mr. Porter's usual standards"...
was the refrain.
So when Hollywood finally called again?
I was on the train before the second ring.
He is the same. One of Yale's sons of whom we are all proud.
Cole Porter.
There's an, oh, such a hungry yearning
Burning inside of me
And its torment won't be through
Till you let me spend my life making love
to you
Day and night
Night and day
If I can survive this movie, I can survive anything.
And you shall, darling, beautifully, like everything else.
Thank you.
The movie will do very well, and you'll be encouraged.
I wonder, it seems like every time they operate, I lose songs as well as blood.
Remind me to call the studio and tell them how much we "absolutely loved the movie."
Naturally.
Sorry. I'm all right.
Why on earth does Linda come back to Cole anyway?
Because he's Cary Grant.
And she misses the music, as do l.
I must say, going down in history as Cary Grant is not too bad.
Not for a boy from lndiana.
We should be grateful to them, they found us a happy ending.
Yes, happy endings.
You don't get many of those, do you, in Hollywood?
So this promises what, surgery number 25?
Twenty-six.
Good God. And how long will I have to wear the cast this time?
A few months, we'll see how you mend.
What's that?
It's Linda.
It's gotten that bad, then?
Even if she'd agree, I don't think surgery would help.
The lungs are too damaged.
Dr. Moorhead, are you saying that Linda is dying?
God, what a swell party this is.
Four weeks, you rehearse and rehearse
Three weeks, and it couldn't be worse
One week, will it ever be right?
Then out of the hat, it's that big first night
The overture is about to start
You cross your fingers and hold your heart
It's curtain time and off we go
Another opening of another show
Miss Morrison, the line is "away we go," not "off we go," dear.
You couldn't manage to make me hear you before...
and now that I can hear you, you've got it wrong.
So shall we do it again? Let's pick it up, dust it off, and get it right.
The tempo was good.
All right, everyone, let's go.
One week, will it ever be right?
Then out of the hat, it's that big first night
The overture is about to start
You cross your fingers and hold your heart
It's curtain time and away we go
Another opening
Just another opening of another show
Very good. Thank you, all.
Carry on. And chorus...
keep those consonants crisp.
The audience shouldn't think you're saying, "An annoying opening for an ugly show."
Let them come to that conclusion on their own.
Please stop that knocking.
-Mr. Porter. -What?
Your wife sent me to fetch you.
Fetch me for what?
-For tea. -I don't like tea.
It's just a few steps. She's waiting.
Fine, come in. Fetch me, for Christ's sake.
-Who are you, anyway? -Bill, Bill Wrather.
Bill rather? Rather what?
Bill Wrather. Yes, you're Linda's...
-decorating wizard. Yes. -It's a great pleasure for me, Mr. Porter.
The pleasure is mine.
-Can l? -No.
-Are you sure? -No. Lots of practice.
I will take an arm, actually. Thank you.
Well, I'll be making my way.
Linda, a pleasure as always.
Indeed.
I'll see you soon.
Cole, that tune you were playing was just beautiful.
I can't wait to hear that in the show.
-Goodbye now. -Safe drive.
-lsn't he delightful? -Lovely.
We've become such fast friends.
I was hoping that you might as well.
He'd be a good companion for you.
Linda?
I don't want you to be lonely.
I'm worried about you.
You don't need to worry about me or your show, it's all taken care of.
I'm in God's hands, the show is in yours.
I do wish it were the other way round, though.
Give me that cigarette.
Strange, dear
But true, dear
When I'm close to you, dear
The stars fill the sky
This really needs a proper singer. I really can't do it justice.
Wait till opening night, hear it sung well.
I think it sounds fine right now.
And I won't be there, dear.
What are you talking about? Why wouldn't you be?
You know the doctors, honey, they're so boring.
I don't think I would add very much to it.
I'm sure it will be a great occasion.
It won't be any occasion if you're not there.
Darling, Bill will be with you.
He'll help you.
I wrote this for you. What's the point of doing it if you're not gonna be there?
Well, that's why I want you to play it for me.
All the way through.
All right.
I won't do it justice, but I'll do it.
Strange, dear, but true, dear
When I'm close to you, dear
The stars fill the sky
So in love with you am I
Even without you
My arms fold about you
You know, darling, why
So in love with you am I
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there
In love with my joy delirious
-Wait. -Are you all right?
A few people may have been carried out of my shows...
but no one's ever been carried in.
So taunt me and hurt me
Deceive me, desert me
I'm yours till I die
So in love
So in love with you, my love
Think of Linda a little and applaud a lot.
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you could care
So taunt me
And hurt me
Deceive me
Desert me
I'm yours till I die
So in love
So in love with you
my love, am I
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you could care
So taunt me
And hurt me
Deceive me
Desert me
I'm yours till I die
So in love
my love
am I
Bravo!
Sorry, we have to move on.
Please, let me enjoy this.
It took two years to get the backers interested in this show.
No one wanted anything to do with it, they thought I was finished.
We have to move on.
Very well.
We make quite a pair, don't we?
We're still les colporteurs of Paris.
Plying our humble trade.
I could hear the score.
Darling, it's giddy.
It's all about Paris.
Brings back fond memories.
-Those were fine days. -Yes, they were.
-And we were fine. -We were fine.
Finding each other.
Taking care of each other.
I have a little something for you.
It's a whole new flower.
A gentleman in Spain did it up for me.
It's a hybrid of two varieties of rose...
thought to be completely incompatible.
Yet look at it, it's perfect.
The Linda Porter rose.
Exquisite.
It's just a pale reflection of our life together.
It wasn't all beautiful.
You were always my life to be.
-I remember that song. -lt was about you.
They were all about you.
Not all of them.
But some, I hope.
How I have loved you, Cole.
I don't know how much longer I can stay.
Would you mind terribly if I went just a little early?
Every time
we say goodbye
I die a little
Every time
we say goodbye
I wonder why a little
Why the gods above me
who must be in the know
Think so little of me
they allow you to go
When you're near
there's such an air
of spring about it
I can hear
a lark somewhere
begin to sing about it
There's no love song finer
But how strange the change
from major to minor
Every time
we say
goodbye
Goodbye
Sara.
Hello, darling.
Gerald.
How is he?
Cole is already seated.
He doesn't want anyone to feel awkward about the leg.
He would still have the damn thing if Linda were here.
And Monty was by for a visit. He asked to be remembered, of course.
Good old Monty.
Noted.
So, Cole, when are we gonna get another lyric from you?
I haven't the wit nor the will to write any more.
Cole, you can write from everything you remember.
You've had the most fascinating life.
Sara.
Memories.
It's like the phantom pains I get in my missing leg.
They're not real and they hurt too much.
I'm a toy balloon that's fated soon to pop.
Cole, please. Don't.
Oh, my God.
My dear friends, I'm boring you.
Let us repair to the living room for some goodbyes...
and some coffee and some traveling music, shall we?
Bill is all packed, and you all have a long drive ahead of you.
The invitation was for the weekend.
Let's pretend it's Sunday.
We'll be right there.
-Sara. -All right, dear.
I wish you'd let me stay with you, Cole. I want to stay.
Bill, please, let me at least try to do something noble, all right?
What I'm trying to do is best for both of us.
Then can't both of us decide, not just you?
My sweet boy, there's nothing for you here.
Come on now, get the wheelchair.
It's the wrong time
and the wrong place
Though your face is charming
it's the wrong face
It's not her face
That was evil. I'm sorry.
I think you're trying very hard to misbehave.
-And you used to be a better actor. -I used to be better at a lot of things.
At words poetic, I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best Instead of getting them off my chest
To let them rest, unexpressed
You're the top
You're the Coliseum
You're the top
Go on, get out of here.
Get outta town
Cole, by all means--
Before it's too late, my love
Take it easy, old friend.
Get outta town
Be good to me please
Why wish me harm?
Take care of him.
Why not retire to a farm
and be contented to charm
the birds off the trees?
We love you.
It's done
The little dream, it's done
So bid me a fond farewell we both had our fun
Cole.
Was it Romeo or Juliet who said
when about to die
"Love is not all peaches and cream"
Little dream
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
Goodbye
Lonely, miserable, melancholy
What a perfect musical finale.
Don't worry.
Never open on a ballad, never end on one either.
-Do you hear that playing? -Yes, we hear that playing
-Do you know who's playing? -No, who is that playing?
Well it's Gabriel, Gabriel playing Gabriel, Gabriel saying
"Will you be ready to go when I blow my horn?"
Oh, blow, Gabriel blow
Go on and blow, Gabriel, blow
I've been a sinner, I've been a scamp
But now I'm willing to trim my lamp So blow, Gabriel, blow
Oh, I was low, Gabriel, low
Mighty low, Gabriel, low
But now since I have seen the light I'm good by day and I'm good by night
So blow, Gabriel, blow
Go on and blow, Gabriel, blow
I want to join your happy band
And play all day in the Promised Land So blow, Gabriel, blow
Blow, Gabriel, blow
Blow Gabriel, blow, blow, blow
I want to join your happy band And play all day in the Promised Land
So blow, Gabriel, blow
Blow, Gabriel, blow
In the still of the night
As I gaze from my window
at the moon in its flight
My thoughts all stray to you
In the still of the night
While the world is in slumber
Oh, the times without number
Darling, when I say to you
"Do you love me
"as I love you?
"Are you my life to be
"my dream come true?"
Or will this dream of mine
fade out of sight
Like the moon
growing dim on the rim
of the hill, in the chill
still of the night?
Like the moon
growing dim on the rim
of the hill, in the chill
still of the night?